Just wanted to thank Rich Martinson* for creating this BEAUTIFUL video of our special day. There are so many things I love about it, but the thing that makes me the happiest is how he captured the JOY we felt!
*If you’d like Rich’s contact info, let me know! He’s amazing!
Recently I went on the record proclaiming 2017 a dumpster fire. And I stand by that. It was an incredibly difficult year for me. There were rejections. Health scares. Personal crises. I cried a lot. I screamed a lot. Buried myself under the covers of my bed and vowed to never, ever come out of my room.
But I did come out of my room. Because you always do.
Then New Year’s eve came, I counted down, I stood in the yard with my friend and we toasted and sang as much as we could remember of “Auld Lang Syne,” and I bid 2017 goodbye. Good riddance. Bring on 2018!
Guys. You may be shocked by this. But flipping the calendar did not magically make everything in my life better.
I joke, but not really. Because I think that deep down I thought that a new year would somehow erase all of afflictions the previous 12 months had brought.
There is certainly something beautiful about the fresh start of a new year. And I am still holding tight to that. But it would be foolishness to pretend like the challenges of 2017 didn’t happen. I bear the scars of 2017. But I also bear the lessons of 2017.
I thought of that this morning at church. One of the songs we sometimes sing has the lyric “When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory…”
And my tired little heart cried out, yes! That’s it!
My afflictions did not disappear in 2018. But they can be eclipsed by something greater. Bigger. Lovelier. By glory.
I need to let the glory of 2018 overshadow the trials.. Because the trials will come. I do pray and hope they are not as relentless as they felt last year. I am longing for a year of rest and rebuilding. But when bad things happen, may they dwell in the shadow of the good.
May fear be eclipsed by boldness.
Sickness eclipsed by healing.
Loneliness eclipsed by friendship.
Insecurity eclipsed by reassurance.
And most importantly…
Hate eclipsed by love.
This past December, I went with some friends to see the Christmas lights at the botanical gardens in Denver. It’s one of my favorite things to do at the holidays. There’s something about twinkling lights and cinnamon roasted nuts and breaths turned to white puffs in the air.
It was one of the last Saturdays before Christmas though, and we had to push through the crowds, shoulders and elbows bumping.
But the crowd gradually thinned out and we crossed over a covered bridge strung with thousands of white lights.
“Wait,” I said. “Look back.”
And we turned around and looked back over the bridge. People moved around us as we stood still, completely in the way. Facing the wrong direction. But it was beautiful. Away from the crowded bridge, a few steps past it, we could take it all in. The curtain of shimmering lights. The curve of the bridge. The ice sparkling on the wood.
“Everyone forgets to look back,” I whispered in the cold air.
We’re trained to look forward. Eye on the prize. Don’t dwell in the past. And there’s truth in that. But what about looking back to see where you’ve come from. What you’ve traveled through. To celebrate the journey.
Is there a way to rejoice in the past without dwelling in it?
I believe there is.
When I look back to where I was one, two, five years ago, I see a lot of pain. But I see a lot of beauty. Friends who cheered for me. Relationships that surprised me. Strength I didn’t know I had.
I’ve fought hard to get to where I am. And sometimes, I need to turn around. Stop. Let the masses rush by me. And look at where I came from.
The shimmering promises.
The curve of the path.
The sparkling truth.
Wait. Look back. Everyone forgets to look back.
